I had a really stupid dream about spaceships and stuff but right as it was drawing to a close, I met someone from Korea, and she gave me this envelope, and before I even held it in my hands I knew it was from my grandma from before she died, and I just started crying as I was opening it. The envelope was really thick and it said the name of a church on the outside and it had my grandpas face on it, idfk.  I woke up bc I was crying, but it was weird - I was going thru the motions of rly bad crying but no tears were coming out. And then I thought about how I would never talk to her again, she wouldn't write me a letter ever again, that money she left me was the last thing she ever gave me, she didn't leave a note for me because she was too weak by the end and she hadn't had the foresight to write one when she'd had the strength, I'll never get advice from her again, I'll never ignore her well-intentioned words again, that dream scenario will never happen in real life and the only communication/interaction I'm going to have with her in the future will presumably be in dreams, if that, idk. And now I'm still crying

Told my mom, who's been really depressed thru this whole thing, about it, and she didn't really react in any way except to tell me it was probably guilt?  Idk, I wish she'd hugged me or smth instead or just looked at me even

Also, I really wish I'd been able to stay asleep long enough to read what was in that envelope.  I mean, I'm never going to get an envelope from her again, probably not even in my dreams.  What was in that envelope???  Why the fuck couldn't I have just opened it and read what may have been my subconscious giving me closure (even though I wish it could have been my grandma speaking to me from beyond the veil or whatever)